Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
