Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
