oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
God, I missed his penis.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize