everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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