Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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