Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
