life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
