So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
