Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize