smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
