I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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