Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
