I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
