Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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