He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hippo gnu deer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
