I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
