if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
