so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
