You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
