Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
