I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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