Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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