dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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