Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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