she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
