he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
