i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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