I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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