somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
