Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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