I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
