Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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