i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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