Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
