i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
