I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
as a side note pls kill me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
