You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
