dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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