Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
