smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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