end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
accomplished twins. life is a go
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
