i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
