Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
