He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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