Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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