i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize