When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
