Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is the high leading the old right now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
