Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
