btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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