Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
