If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He uses pillows to masturbate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
