u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
