shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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