This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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