Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize