it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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