I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
