I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
