It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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