i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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