Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
