@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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