Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
