U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
