I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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