So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
