Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize