I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
