she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
