How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
