so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
