Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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