they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
