I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
the liver wants what the liver wants
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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