My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
