Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
