could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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