Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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