So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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