Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
