thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize