I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's shark week go big or go home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
