just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
