I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
