Im at strip club and am horny
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you had me at cake vodka
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
