Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
