kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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