Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
