you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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