they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
