Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
