forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
