I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
