I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
