He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
