i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
