I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
