Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
