dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
