He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
